23,288 notes


when kids don’t listen to you and think its funny to disobey what youre telling them


(via thelightning-queef)

21,535 notes


being interrupted mid sentence

(via thelightning-queef)

27,767 notes



a good response to the question “how old are you?” is something along the lines of “dunno i stopped counting after the first few centuries”

and it needs to be said seriously without smiling or humor or as casually as possible and followed by “so anyway” and a subject change as if it’s completely normal

"I stopped counting a few decades ago. no. what’s the one with the zeros? millennia that’s it. human time keeping is so confusing."

(via jellyblanket)

525,195 notes


i can’t hang out tomorrow i’m too busy doing nothing alone sorry

(via silentandfriendly)

125,432 notes


that boy you just called gay? well he is gay. he’s your boyfriend. both of you are gay. how do you keep forgetting this, jeffery

(via surprisebitch)